clown-college

Let me start off by saying that this post does not condone the actions of the NCAA (#ncaascam). and I do not support them. But I thought I’d take a look at five teams that no one who wants to watch football, wants to watch these clowns play it.  And then 5 teams that are better than a dumb invitation to a bowl game.

First the Clowns

This was hard. There were so many.  I guarantee all these teams will lose. They are all underdogs, and for good reason.

#5 Colorado State. Opened at -3 for WSU (put me down for 10 million dollars on Washington State)

Take a moment and guess how many bowl bound teams they beat. Your guess should be zero. In fact half their wins came against teams that won 1 or 2 games the entire season. They qualified and now they get to (have to?) go to New Mexico and get beat by a 6-6 Washington State team that is leaps and bounds better than they are.

#4 AN Ohio University. (-13 East Carolina)

The MAC has supplied far too many teams that we accidentally watched during Bowl season over the years.  Ohio is just another one. Loses include a 49 point loss to Bowling Green, 31 Point loss to Kent State, and a 27 point loss to Buffalo. Notable wins include: ______.  The real question is would you rather eat at a Beef O’ Bradys, or watch the Beef O’ Brady Bowl game. Can I get a menu?

#3 Arkansas St. (-7.5 Ball State)

Overall this was a tough football year for people living in Arkansas. The only explanation for an Arkansas invite was pure pity for the state.  ‘Tis the season for giving, but not watching.

#2 Buffalo and San Diego St. (-3 Buffalo)

Just cancel the entire game. The combined record of the D-1 teams they beat was 43-125 (.344).  The best win by far was SDSU overtime win against Boise at home. Buffalo is the favorite, probably because they have to play in Idaho, and like Idaho buffalo is cold, lonely and people can’t stop asking why they’re there. Basically a Home game for Buffalo.

#1 Rutgers (-17.5 ND)

“Is this their real team?” Is what fans who accidentally watch this game will be asking half way through. Wins: Norfolk St. (3-9), E. Michigan (2-10), Arkansas(3-9; home win by 4), SMU (5-7), Temple (2-10; When did they get a football team?), and South Florida (2-10). Combined record of wins is 17-55, a .309 winning percentage. Lesson learned, schedule at least 6 terrible teams, and get as many at home as possible. Going 3-5 in the AAC should disqualify a team for a bowl game. Do the right thing and give the money to charity. Luckily, this is explainable. The powers that be will do anything to give Notre Dame an easy bowl win (Conspiracy, I called it first).

Bonus Bad Bowl Breaker Inner: Syracuse. Terrible team. The highlight of the season was scoring 3 points on FSU in a 56 point route. Georgia Tech also beat them by 56, but that’s because the ‘Cuse only allowed 56 points in the game. They got in by shocking Boston College after Andre Williams was injured. Minnesota open at a 4 point spread… take that bet.

5 of the best not Bowling.  

Some didn’t qualify, some got snubbed, but one thing is for sure. They are all better than the scrubs above that are bowling.

Western Kentucky (8-4)

This is the team on the list I truly feel bad for.  They qualified, but no one wanted them (NCAA conspiracy against Bobby Petrino, I called it first).  Solid wins against Kentucky, Navy, Army and Texas St. They must feel terrible.  Hopefully they internalize this feeling, and it pushes them harder and harder until something, something, something… Remember the Titans, Coach Carter, Rudy, Caddy Shack stuff. They just got screwed.  The NCAA will do that to you Bobby.

Utah (5-7)

Bias alert. I’ve given this school way too much money to not put them on the list. But they are the best team not bowling (do they have a QB yet?). Heartbreaking losses against Oregon St., Arizona St., UCLA and Washington St. Eventually we (I thew a couple this season too) will stop throwing the ball to the other team, probably. Oh yeah, and they beat Stanford. Record of teams Utah Beat: 35-29 (3 bowl bound, 1 BCS bound). Record of teams they did not beat: 57-29. they had the 2nd toughest schedule going into the last game of the season, and only played two teams that ended with a losing record. More powder puffs please!

San Jose (6-6)

The team the world is crying for. They ended the season beating a tough Fresno St. team believing it put them in a bowl game.  Senior QB David Fales has had a great college career, ending it by out dueling David Carr. He threw for 547 yards and 6 TDs against the #16 team in the country. Don’t shed too many tears, he will be playing on Sundays soon.

TCU (4-8)

4 losses by 3 points or less, including Baylor and Oklahoma. Patterson is the only reason they were in any of those games. They really have no talent on offense. The once promising Graduating senior QB Casey Pachall was slowed by injuries, and inconsistencies. He will get some looks in the draft, but probably not picked. Better start recruiting Mr. Patterson.

Tennessee (5-7)

I have remarkably little to say about Tennessee. They beat South Carolina, and took Georgia to OT. I hope they lose every game they play for the rest of their existence.

Honorable Mention: I thought that it would be honorable to mention Florida.  But, I’d rather talk about how Georgia Southern took it to them.  Georgia Southern ran the ball every play except 3, where they threw incomplete passes. They also only managed to make 2 of their 4 PATs, and still win.  Rumor has it that the team was just a disguised rugby team. Did anybody think to look for the run?

This happened a lot.

This happened a lot.

I should also mention Northwestern the other team on the list once ranked. Florida was the other, both experienced amazing 7 game losing streaks. Absolutely beautiful to watch overrated teams fall, and then just when you think they won’t fall any further they get beat by Georgia Southern.